relentless, a wrap up

right now I feel like I'm just forcing myself to grind along, continuing to exist. The basic admin of life is so overwhelming there isn't space for anything else let alone qualifying those unique bits of prose or insight into a post.

But that is it right? This life.

I'm full of ideas and some of them make it onto a page in some kind of form even if it's not a very good one.

I'm trying to find my creativity. Maybe trying too hard. I am struggling with something that occurred which gave that a big backwards push.

People tell me I don't need permission to be myself so I'm trying to hang on to that. There's a strangeness to doing that inwardly vs outwardly. One is harder than the other sometimes, then they switch.

I recently celebrated my birthday - 'a chronological anomaly approaches' - with friends for the first time ever as an adult and it was full of love and connections and many unexpected wonderful gifts. I felt very loved which is what I needed.

I've had to clear out the space I was renting so the reading room is no more - for now at least. I'll have to imagine some kind of pop up version, or just keep it online is probably more manageable for me anyway. And feeling comfortable space here at home to do art and things will be positive.

I've finally logged in to find the recordings from the conference I attended and spoke at. I'm looking forward to reviewing those, especially the ones I didn't get to hear on the day.